I frequently complain that I live on an island but have no
sea views from my house. I frequently complain that I have to take two vans to
get to the beach, which is somewhat expensive and not very convenient. However,
I love the community in which I live and I have found that I have some of the
greatest neighbors. I wouldn’t trade my neighbors for a sea view. So what, I need to take two vans to get to
the beach, it’s still closer than I’ll ever be to the beach. Views don’t buy
peace of mind or build lasting relationships.
My neighbors are always looking out for me, watching my
house/dog when I'm gone, sending over fruits and vegetables, or lending me
random things (like a cutlass or shovels for those rare times that I decide to
clean my yard) when I need them, and even letting me use their stove to cook
when my gas tank runs out, and above else helping me feel welcome and
comfortable in my new home.
Over the course of only a few months of living in my house, I
grew particularly close to my closest (in proximity) neighbor, Amy. She was an older woman living alone. When I
would come home from school I would find her sitting on her porch. I would stop by and we would talk. Sometimes it would be about mundane things
such as the weather but other times we had deep conversations about her life,
her children, how times have changed, learning about wealth of experience and wisdom
etc. We would share a Coke sitting on the porch watching the sky slowly fade
from blue streaked with pinkish purple to the faint sparkling of the stars
while talking about life, all while being eaten alive by the sand flies. These are some of my fondest memories of
living in SVG.
I don’t know why our relationship was any different than any
of the other people that I frequently find sitting on their porch and strike up
conversations when I pass by, but it was.
Amy embraced and welcomed me like her own child. She was like a mother
to me. We shared a bond, a connection that I cant quite put into words.
As the holidays drew nearer, I was kind of bummed I would not
be home for the first time in my life to spend Christmas and my birthday with
my family. We had talked about our holiday plans and decided to spend the
Christmas holiday together, so neither of us would feel so alone. As it turned out, she would not end up alone,
as her daughter came from Trinidad. But
Amy still included me in their festivities. I brought over the Christmas tree
my mom sent for me, Amy took out her finest china and together we had a feast
that was only overshadowed by the love you could feel in the room. It was a
lovely day, but it was also bittersweet because at the end of the week she
would be moving (temporarily) to Trinidad to be with her daughter, as her
health was not in the best condition. I am so grateful to have been surrounded
by such loving and caring people, at a time that could have very well been very
depressing and lonely.
As the day of their departure grew closer, you could feel the
sadness in the air. Amy was very sad to
leave her beloved homeland behind and did not want to go to Trinidad. It was
for her best interest to be with her daughter, who is a nurse, but I was sad to
lose my Vincy mother. It was really hard
to say goodbye, and I cried as I watched the vehicle pull out of the gap that
night. I remember thinking, if this is what its like to say goodbye after not
even a year and when it was only temporary, what would it be like when I had to
leave SVG at the end of my service? I don’t even want to think about it.
After about 4 months Ayana, Amy’s daughter, came back to
finish the house in preparation for Amy to move back. I was so excited for her
visit. 1. Ayana is a lot of fun, and one
of the closest friends I have in Peace Corps. 2. I knew that Amy would be
returning to SVG soon. I was so excited.
I had high hopes when Ayana left SVG to return to work in
Trinidad. Amy’s health seemed to be
improving and she couldn’t wait to be back in her fair and blessed isle where
the mountains are so high, clear and green. Not too long after Ayana returned
to Trinidad, I received a call from her.
It was a Thursday night, I actually was in St Lucia for MST, but I
didn’t think anything of the call. Ayana
and I talked frequently and so it was not unusual to receive a call from her at
that time of day. However, what she told me, I was not prepared for.
I was in shock, disbelief, denial even. I cried initially,
but with everything I to going on around me in regards to MST and with being
constantly surrounded by people, I did not have ample time to process how I was
feeling.
When I returned home, it was as if nothing had happened. I
still felt like it was a bad dream, and any day now Amy would return home. I
still feel this way, 3 months later.
This is my attempt to reconcile those feelings of losing
someone too soon and so suddenly and unexpectedly. This is my attempt to properly say goodbye to
Amy. Amy was a wonderful woman; caring, kind, welcoming, loving, everything
that a mother ought to be. I truly believe we must have been related in a
previous life because our bond was so strong, it was instant and it was unique.
I had felt like I had known her my entire life. I am so grateful to have met
Amy, even if it was for such a short period of time. She has touched my life profoundly,
unbeknownst to her. I will take some of
the wisdom she imparted in me with me for the rest of my life. She will forever
be missed, but we will meet again someday when the time is right. May you rest in peace Amy.
No Farewell words were spoken,
no time to say goodbye, you were
gone before we knew it, and only
God knows why.
