Well they werent kidding when they said that the most important qualities you can possess as a potential Volunteer are Flexibility and Adaptability, oh and PATIENCE!
They certainly have a way of testing you, or me at least. For one, the waiting game. Its bad enough not having an answer, but not even knowing when the decision/answer will be made; its horrible. The uncertainty is definitely enough to make some one go mad. I am willing to wait indefinitely because this is something I really [really] want. But, truthfully, it gets to me at times.
Then there is the all too common occurrence of having the decision changed or rescinded altogether. Yeah I get it, when you are dealing with developing countries, circumstances arise that are unforeseen or unavoidable. I mean I can deal with the uncertainty if I have to; and I have. But to have a set and concrete plan and then have it taken away. Its unbearable. That is something I am trying to deal with. The feeling is almost indescribable. I can only describe it to the likeness of losing someone/something very very dear to you. Yes, the feeling of loss was that strong (for me).
Alternatively, its like being punched in the stomach and having the wind knocked out of you. You fall, and cant focus for a few minutes. It takes you some time to regain your bearings on everything. Almost disbelief for a while. And then you are left feeling sick, disoriented, while you try to right yourself. I had the ground ripped right out from underneath me.
And to make matters worse, it has happened again. Though not as extreme. I knew there was a reason why I did not get as excited about St. Kitts and Nevis as I did about leaving for Lesotho. I thought to myself: I'll get excited when I'm there, but until then, I'll will just see how things go". Well, today I received an email stating that the PC has made a mistake when they told me I was assigned to St. Kitts and Nevis. Instead I'll actually be serving in St. Vincent and the Grenadines.
I have no problem with where I serve. And luckily I wasnt too attached to St. Kitts and Nevis. But the fact that they "made a mistake" leads me to believe that they can make many more similar mistakes. Sure there are things that cant be avoided, but logistics and paperwork should be something that is reliable and predictable. However, Nothing is certain. My confidence in the PC administration is quickly waning, unfortunately. I only hope (and I know that all these feelings of angst, frustration, and second-thought will change when I am doing what I am meant to do) this view will change when I arrive on site to serve and see first hand the efforts PC admin. have put into these programs to make them effective and efficient.
Until then, I will continue to live one day at a time. Because ultimately, today is the only thing that is certain and guaranteed. Tomorrow is promised to no one. I will continue to be flexible and adaptable to anything PC throws at me. Hopefully no more curve balls. But regardless, I'm ready for what ever is thrown at me!