Depending on the situation, I may be afflicted with either one of these conditions at any given time. Yes, I understand they are opposites. But, it makes sense, because after all, I am the epitome of contradictions and opposites.
I have noticed that when I try to blog, its either a stream of consciousness, complete and utter verbal diarrhea, or conversely, verbal constipation. Everything just comes out all at once in a big jumbled, mashed up mess, or I can’t articulate my thoughts in an expressive comprehensive manner. I either have a lot to say about nothing in particular (such as the weather), or nothing to say about important issues, like how I feel about my new life path.
I have never been an eloquent speaker/writer. Sometimes I wish I could write beautifully, inspirationally, eloquently, lucidly, vividly, powerfully and accurately expressive. But I just cant. When trying to be inspirational, I come off as being cold and perhaps utterly realistic/pessimistic rather than optimistic. I can’t help it, that’s the dominant left side of my brain working. I don’t write beautifully because I would rather be concise, to the point, using facts and as few words as possible. There is no need to sugarcoat anything. I have never had a way with words; other than stuttering, stumbling, silence, or spurting out random words. However, I wish I could package my thoughts in beautiful words using all sorts of literary terms that I cannot remember now (metaphors, alliterations, etc.?).
Bear with me, because as much as teaching, working, and living in a new country are new challenges and struggles, so too will expressing my thoughts, feelings and experiences in an attractive, coherent manner.