Today SHOULD be the Day I Find Out...

So nearly a month after I found out I wasnt going to Lesotho, here I still wait to find out where I'll be going instead.  At this point, well really from the beginning, it was just too much to think about.  I have all but given up hope about when I would be finding out about my new assignment.  I cannot deal with the uncertainty that this process brings, not now at least.  I have already been dealing with it for the last year.  I thought all the uncertainty and the waiting was over and I'd be on a plane in just a few short days to Lesotho.  Then that dream was ripped out right from under me, and now I am starting all over again.

The best way to cope with this situation is just to not deal with it at all; push it out of my mind completely.  Well this time it seems like I might finally have an answer.  Im trying my best now to not think about when the mail man will come with my new fate.  But it should be coming today...

I didnt tell any one, especially my family, that I did in fact talk to the PC rep last week and told them to make the decision for me.  I didnt tell any one, but I did post it on here.  I guess it was partly a test to see who would actually read this thing. And it was easier to just write it then tell everyone individually.  My family on the other hand, will be quite surprised today when I tell them where I will be going and when, as will I.  But I do have my ideas, even though PC tells you NEVER EVER to do that, because it will only cause heartache when it ends up being different.  I figure at this point, I have no emotions and no thoughts on any other assignments.  I have already been heartbroken.  Nothing will or can phase me now.  Wherever I end up is fine, but honestly I want no part of that decision process.  I could not bear to think that I was the one who needed to choose.  How do you even choose such a thing? How could I choose when my heart and soul where in Lesotho already?

Today SHOULD be the Day I Find Out...lets hope it is...